If it killed the dinos, why are we still here?

I’ve been married for nearly 25 years and I know this subject, in general, is taboo. But the topic appears to have fallen into the realm of science now and judging by history it may indeed come back to haunt us, lest we forget.

It seems British scientists now believe dinosaur extinction may have occurred due to, well, gas. Apparently, these researchers calculated that these prehistoric-pooters may have in fact been the cause of their own demise. Not an asteroid; not severe cold; and certainly not a volcano. No sir, nothing like that at all. Simply put, the dinos ate a bunch of plants, in particular the sauropoots (sic), and that resulted in too much methane for their own survival. At least, that’s what two British scientists calculate.

Citing statistics that sound more like Monty Python than Isaac Newton, Professors Grameme Ruxton and David Wilkinson calculate these gaseous mastodons of the Mesozoic age spewed more than 520 million tons of methane per year.  That, they say, “is enough to warm the planet and hasten their own demise.”

Before this incredible discovery, everyone knew extinction was caused by an asteroid strike and volcanic activity around 65 million years ago.  For me, all this time I’ve chosen to believe what Al Gore has been saying about global warming and how all those gas emissions were going to end up being the death of us all.

Well, I guess that theory is gone with the wind since here we have living proof that gas can in fact cause death. If it can get the dinosaurs, it certainly can get us. And, I guess it doesn’t matter whether the fumes come from trains, planes and automobiles, or just a variety of prehistoric wind bags.

I think it was Socrates who said, “Dead is dead, and it pretty much doesn’t matter how you get there.” Except that he said it in Greek, which looks like this, “Οι νεκροί είναι νεκροί, και λίγο πολύ δεν πειράζει πώς φθάνετε εκεί,” and makes it sound a lot more profound.  But I never really cared much for translations personally.

Anyway, back to the end of the dinosaurs.

I would think that killing off all the dinosaurs in the world would be quite a feat for any kind of gas passers. Even today’s most offensive SUVs would be hard pressed to match the amount of methane produced by a dinosaur, apparently. And even the noxious fumes produced in Men’s Rooms everywhere would have a hard time accumulating up to 520 million pounds per year. In truth, the British scientists ran tests in the Parliament potties, and found they generated merely 110 million pounds of methane yearly, much less than can be found on the Parliamentary floor where it was impossible to measure with anything other than olfactory sensors.  In fact, they found a very similar result in both the U.S. House of Representatives and the Senate. They have not as yet received permission to test the Executive branch and are currently being held in contempt by the Judiciary merely for asking.

Still, it’s kind of hard to believe that such might be the cause behind these massive extinctions. It’s much easier to believe that such a calamity came about due to an asteroid or some volcano. It hasn’t been that long since Mount St. Helen’s gave us a bird’s eye view of just what a volcano might do, and believe me that thing belched plenty of matter, gas, and ash.  And the Russian’s have shown how devastating an asteroid strike can be in all those reports about Tunguska.

So to think that the truth might be as simple as Ruxton and Wilkinson have made it out to be doesn’t really pass the sniff test, so to speak.  One thing we do know for sure:  the dinosaurs, as we know them from the ossuary records, got it in the end.

Ethics training for those without any

So this has got to be one of the biggest boondoggles in recent memory. Facing all kinds of heat over their Colombian affairs, the U.S. Secret Service has deemed it necessary for its agents to get ethics training. Really? Ethics training?

Shouldn’t ethics be one of the pillars of such an organization? Ethics training isn’t really going to do much for these people. The ones who would benefit most from it are already gone, unless the Secret Service thinks it needs to do something to regain the public’s support.

So now, they will be sending about 100 agents to two days of ethics training from professors at Johns Hopkins University. And what will that do? That will let them know when they are in a situation that requires use of ethics. But it won’t require them to act ethically. They will simply know that what they are doing is unethical.

They would be much better served by getting a course in common sense. They are easier, and they are available nearly every day if you read the right newspapers. For instance, just take a quick look at the General Services Administration, also known as the GSA. There is a prime example of how the lack of common sense led to unethical behavior.

I can’t believe that there weren’t people at the GSA who were hollering and screaming about waste, fraud, and abuse.  Close scrutiny in most government offices can turn up something, but what the GSA was about was so far out of control, some people had to suspect things weren’t exactly Kosher.

But back to the Secret Service.

The training was originally scheduled for 20 agents, but after the Colombian affair they must have seen the need to get more of their people trained. Again, the training won’t help them make better decisions, necessarily; it will just let them know when they are in a situation that requires applying ethics.

The Secret Service is a tightly wrapped group. To get in, you have to have an impeccable record, be absolutely legally clean as a whistle, have no personal fiscal issues, and, apparently, be accepted as a member of the club. They present themselves in an official manner and often can be seen scurrying around high ranking political officials, like the President, his family and cronies, and other high ranking politicos. They are truly non-partisan in their actions.

So how does such a group end up in the kind of hot water they are in concerning the Colombian affair? Are we so dumb as to think that the Colombia deal is new and has never happened before? Or is it more likely that such antics are standard operating procedures for the Secret Service?

I vote for the latter.

It could be argued, and may well be argued at that, that the agents are sent down to ensure advance security. They do their job, secure whatever area it is that the President will require security, and then they are on “their own time.” Meaning that they are no longer responsible for the President’s security, and they can spend some time cooling their heels and enjoying the culture. How they spend their down time should not be a concern to us, right?

In addition to the ethics training, the Secret Service has also announced new conduct rules. Those rules include prohibiting agents from drinking excessively or bringing foreigners to their hotel rooms. I am certain that will straighten out the problems with our Secret Service agents.

I'd rather see mud wrestling than listen to mud slinging

I think that maybe Larry The Cable Guy may have summed up just about everything when it comes to asking for forgiveness in this day and age. Whenever the stocky, world-wizened wisenheimer lets loose with a somewhat questionable joke, he either says, “that’s funny right there, no matter who you are,” or quips, “Lord please forgive me and may God bless the Pygmies in New Guinea.”

It’s actually the second quote that kind of sums up where we are in the scheme of things in this over-politicized world we live in today. It seems that anyone can be slammed for anything they may have done over the years, regardless of what it might have been, their age at the time, or the temperament of the country or society in general. The actions are reviewed under the social magnifying glass of today; not the one that was in place at the time of such indiscretion.

Good golly, do we need to put a hold on this kind of malarkey.

“But David what possibly could be bothering you now, you ask?”

Well, it seems that poor Mitt Romney is now being hauled on the carpet for a “prank” he was involved in when he was in high school. Apparently, a young Mitt was involved in pinning down a classmate and cutting his hair back in 1965.

Oh, give me a break.

In 1965, the US was involved in that wonderful vacation experience called Vietnam. During that same time period, culture was being totally overturned from the flattop hair styles of the ‘50s to the mop heads and DAs of the early ‘60s. Is it any wonder that some of the more radical ‘50s types, you know with the cigarette pack rolled up in the T-shirt sleeve, might sort of impress their short-haired philosophy on a classmate with long hair? Come on. That was a different time and place in these here United States.

Today, such a move would end up in a lawsuit for sure. But back then, it was a bit of a saner time. Sure people would get mad, and likely raise a fit with the school, but the idea of such a thing being such a big deal was ridiculous. But then, this is politics, and that changes everything. Mitt probably should apologize for such a dastardly action. And, he also needs to apologize for a few other classroom indiscretions like spitballs and disrupting class.

Really, my school experienced all kinds of crazy things like that. Somehow, and no I was not part of this, we had kids who landed inside trash cans head first, a kid locked in a wall locker and the locker turned to face the wall (he only missed one class), and a variety of arm punches, leg punches, face slappings, and every body’s biggest fear, the swirly.  For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, swirly, suffice to say you don’t want to know. For those who do know the term, no explanation is necessary, and for those who were victims, I can only say “I am sorry.”

Still, it seems ridiculous to dig so far back into someone’s life in order to come up with something they have done that might show poor character traits. It’s not as if that has any bearing at all on the coming election, or what the person is like today. We all make mistakes, we all have errors in judgment, and surprisingly enough a lot of that stuff happens when we are young.

One of the biggest problems we have today, in my most humble yet supremely accurate opinion, is how we handle things that happen to our kids. It seems to me that the Serve and Protect set, and its ubiquitous tentacles are dead set on not giving kids a chance. Take for instance this reported incident involving Mitt. No doubt today he would have faced the legal consequences of assault, and then, once in the legal “system” would have been pounded to give up other people for other unrelated crimes and misdemeanors.

To me, it’s about time we stop all this frivolous junk. Frankly, I don’t care if Mitt was involved in some ridiculous, stupid kid’s prank. I also don’t care too much about stupid stuff like someone’s birth certificate, but I guess politics be politics and anything I can throw at you is OK, and hopefully I can throw enough stuff that something will stick and swing the tide of support in my favor. But to me, it’s all catty and just shows the integrity of our society today.

The way we’re going, it won’t be long before this democracy is cast on the trash heap with the Greeks and Romans. It is an amazing world we live in. Simply amazing.