Beware the information highway it has more pot holes than I-95. Sure the Internet makes research fun and fast, but you can’t really trust everything that people put out there. Even when the source appears to be legitimate, you can never be too sure. I know, everyone says that nowadays don’t they? Well, as much as I love the ease with which the Internet lets me research, shop, and grab the headlines, I also know a lot of what is out there is misleading and some just outright wrong.
What is caught in my craw today is some collateral damage from a bit of research I was doing the other day. I wanted to be prepared to give the right answers during a one-hour writing seminar I was asked to present to the fifth grade class at Walnut Hill Elementary School in Petersburg.
Having taught in the past, I knew I needed a game plan to lead the kids through the right steps in order for them to write a good five-paragraph essay and help them with their writing SOL later this spring. Simple right? I’ve been doing this stuff since 29 years, and people have actually given me money for it. I know, they’re probably crazy, but it seems to work out for me and I believe in following the path of least resistance when it comes to earning a living.
So, although I was pretty sure I knew what needed to happen (hook paragraph, three supporting paragraphs, closing paragraph), I decided to go the Internet and conduct a little last-minute research, just to make sure, you know?
Wow!
I googled five paragraph essay, and the computer spit back a bunch of different websites for me to check out. The first one I choose to look at was called the Online English Tutor. Interested to see if their interpretation matched mine, I clicked on the link. What a shocker!? While they had the topics for those paragraphs right, the rest of the material on the page was interesting, to say the least. For me, that’s where the whole thing went you know where in a hand basket.
Most people who know me in my professional capacity know that I am pretty much a stickler for how the written word looks on the page. Not just formatting, but also how the structure of the paragraph is developed and small things, like English grammar, word choice, and organization. I am not stuck on some things, but I think that writing should make a point and get to that point quickly. The sentence structure should build to a conclusion, and not wander around willy-nilly as if the text doesn’t really know where it’s supposed to be. Oh, and small things like complete sentences and subject-verb agreement ought to be followed, unless the author is trying to make a point.
But for the folks from Online English Tutor, English must be a second language, or maybe a third or a fourth. If one was to follow the sample they promote and bring it to my class, I would have thrown them out a long time ago. I would take the time to point out some of the issues, but it might be best if you just took a little read of this yourself. Here’s their first paragraph:
The Introduction Paragraph:
I am a professional single mother, very busy and hard working with two daughters and demanding work, but I feel fulfilled. My profession and the motherhood for my beloved daughters gratify me fully. I begin my day with a good breakfast with my children. By 9:30 I am in my office where I work as a consumer advocate in the state governor's office for children products. All day my telephone rings, voice mails and emails swamp in, and I meet several people in the office and online conferences. In the meantime I write reports, media releases, letters and emails. After an exhausting work day, I do a lot of things to relax and at the end of the day I go to sleep happy.
I’m not going to bother to go through everything that’s bad about this paragraph. The worst thing about it is that it appears on an Internet website under the heading Online English Tutor. For those who are really in need of help, this website will lead you exactly the wrong way. On the other hand, if you don’t see anything wrong with the writing, then by all means avail yourself of the website. They also have web pages for sentence writing and grammar. Maybe something like this would be better:
The Introduction Paragraph:
As a single mother with two growing daughters and a busy professional job, it takes a great deal of juggling to meet my children’s demands and those of my workplace on a daily basis. Yet that is exactly what I do, day in and day out. When I finally get a chance to rest, I do so feeling totally fulfilled and gratified. Keeping up with my daughters alone might be considered a full time job. But I get things started early with a solid breakfast and some girl-talk-time about their school day. Within a couple hours; however, I am walking into my office where I work as a consumer advocate for the state governor. There, I am deluged with voice mail, e-mail, snail mail, and a telephone that rings enough to be considered background music. When I have a chance to escape to the halls, the elevator, or even the ladies’ room, I often find myself pelted with this question or that suggestion, and then I get back to my desk just in time for my next appointment. When I get a break, I write reports, letters, e-mail responses, and media releases. Very soon the end of the day approaches and I am off to get my girls, stop by Am-Fam Fit for a short workout, and then home for dinner. After dinner it’s homework, and, if there’s enough time, I watch a TV show with my girls, and finally we are all off to bed to get ready for the next day.
It’s the same information really. But the presentation is a little better. Good luck with your Internet research, just watch out for those bumps and bruises on the information highway.
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