The Problem with Peacocks

COLONIAL HEIGHTS—It looks like the city is continuing its battle against avian kind.  First, it was Buddy Waskey’s blue-birds-of-happiness, and now it appears that the city is rounding up the usual suspects to eliminate even more avian intruders—those dastardly peacocks.

Yes, I’m talking about the peacocks that have become almost common around the community. I believe some live in the gully behind my house. At night, I hear the peacocks singing, each to each.  And, yes, they apparently have to go.  They are not an indigenous species, they create a racket, and they are dangerous to things like cars, garbage trucks, and little children, I think.

Studies at at-least one other peacock infested area in central Florida has shown that these birds of pray (sic) are far more dangerous than the alien invasion of Canada geese, which have literally taken over the Southpark Mall area.  My God, I had to stop for all of 30 seconds one day as a gaggle of 10 of the black and white Christmas dinners waddled single file from Walmart to the Battery Barn.

Obviously, these pea fowl are much larger with their straggly NBC-tailfeathers dragging along the road, although they don’t seem to hang out in the local shopping areas.  Of course, there aren’t all that many shopping areas left in the city, and what with the Kroger flopping and the Publix still months away, we can probably assume those infidel geese will remain in the so-called shopping district, cluttering the area with their green Tootsie-Roll-like droppings.

But enough of that, really, because there is no way to control the geese.  They are far too numerous and, I believe, a protected species.  Protected for what?  Who knows?

Back to the pea fowl, or foul.  The problem with the peacocks is that they started with two, which became a mating pair.  They now estimate there are 10, a relatively small flock as those standards go.  The real argument, and at some level I like the peacocks, is that since they are apparently roaming freely throughout the city, there is no way to control their expanding numbers.  Two becomes, four, four become eight, eight become 16.  Sixteen become 32, see where this leads?

In Florida, Longboat Key, a barrier island off the mainland between Sarasota Bay and the Gulf of Mexico, they’re battling the exact problem the city is trying to avoid.  What then to do about their over-abundant peacocks?

Most people, well at least vacationers who may in fact be from Virginia, see the peacocks, or may be stopped as the birds cross the main road.  I am certain they think it quaint.  “Oh, look, isn’t that so cool!  They have peacocks!” the week-long beach-lovers from the great white North might say.

But it’s not the same for the people who live on the Island, or work on the Island, or visit the Island daily throughout the year.  To them, the peacock flocks have grown well beyond the cute and quaint stages, sort of the way puppies and kittens outgrow their cute-and-cuddly phase to become dogs and cats.

The fowl came into foul play in Colonial Heights because they are considered agriculture and there is no agriculture zoning in the city, with the possible exception of the retention pond next to Walmart—just kidding.  Yes, it probably is not agriculture, but it is the “home” of a preponderance of the city’s indigenous Canadian Geese population, and a veritable “no walk zone” for city residents.

In a recent story from the Bradenton Herald, the town of Longboat Key, in a put-up-or-shut-up move, anteed $25,000 to help rid themselves of about 100 peacocks living in the northern part of the island.  That’s not chicken feed.

LONGBOAT KEY -- About a hundred peacocks running around the village on the north end of Longboat Key are about to find new homes after at least 50 years on the island, thanks to about $25,000 from the town.

Which brings us back to The Heights and its potential peacock problem; which really is more of a nuisance at this point.  As much as I would like to think and write that the city may be wrong-headed in this endeavor, I have to concede they are right.

Two peacocks become 10 peacocks.  Ten peacocks are already creating issues for some in our burgh, but 10 will be 100 before you know it and then it will cost a great deal of money to take care of the problem.  The time to act is now.  What to do with them when you capture them is another problem; but no question this is and ought to be a growing concern for the city leaders.

I will miss them when they are gone; but gone is what they need to be.  Now let’s see what we can do about the geese.