No doubt about it. Something has to be done with the
proliferation of these illegal alien Canadian geese. It’s not so much their
taking over the small ponds and lakes in the area as much as it is their
attitude that the world, or in this case the traffic around Southpark Mall in
Colonial Heights, must stop and wait for them.
They force you to stop and wait while their squadron passes
in review, all grey and black with the white neck stripe, marching in lockstep.
And you have to stop. If you don’t, they start attacking your car and pecking
at the door panels and fender wells… err, don’t ask how I know that.
Anyway, these illegals are dining on food that would
normally go to some good old American ducks, like mallards, mergansers, or
cormorants. It’s appalling. They are supposed to be migratory birds, and yet
they refuse to migrate. I think they are just lazy and don’t want to fly the
rest of the way to Hudson Bay or some other area of the great white north.
Still, you would think they ought to get some kind of green card or something
in order to stay here.
So what to do about our local goose problem? Simple.
Google goose and see what happens.
Well what happens is that someone already has come up with
the perfect idea. In Scarsdale, N.Y., home of the original Scarsdale Diet, they
were tired of having to deal with loud, aggressive, and messy geese. So the
town officials decided that sometimes the old-fashioned way of dealing with
geese is the best way.
Yup that’s right, the people in Scarsdale have started a new
diet fad and it revolves around geese. According to CBS News, there have been
all kinds of complaints about the geese from their droppings to the fact that
they have actually attacked some people. Apparently, the USDA has offered to
bump off the flock and then haul the carcasses to The Food Bank for
Westchester.
No question such draconian measures have riled people on
both sides. A group called the Friends of Animals states that killing the geese
would be both brutal and a waste of tax dollars. But some of the local
inhabitants assert that knocking off the geese is the right thing to do,
because they are really annoying. The story online even has a link to favorite
goose recipes, so you know where the Internet comes down on this argument.
Truly, we have much the same problem right here in good old
Virginia. And, it’s not just at Southpark Mall. Once while driving on
Puddledock Road I was forced to stop and allow three phalanxes of the birds
pass by. I am sure everyone has their own favorite place where the illegal
invasion is being carried out.
For me, I kind of like the Scarsdale diet plan. In fact,
with all the hungry and homeless in the Tri-Cities bolstering the local feeding
programs with some nice, fresh goose meat would more than likely be welcomed by
everyone.
I’m certain it wouldn’t take too much to get Colonial
Heights City Council to go along with the idea. Think of how it could play out,
the local bow hunters would have an opportunity to ply their trade with something
other than the deer in your back yard, the local police would be able to
practice shooting live targets with their handguns in and around the Wal-Mart
area, and anyone else who might be interested in taking it to the Canucks would
be welcome to give it a try.
In reality, it isn’t much different than the Python Round Up
the state of Florida is sponsoring this month. But, in this case, we get the
side benefit of feeding the hungry and the homeless.
Win-win I say. Except if you’re a goose.
But then if the geese were a bit better behaved they
wouldn’t have gotten themselves into this kind of a bind. Too bad people don’t
eat seagulls.
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