Really, I don’t know exactly how to go about saying this, so I’ll just blurt it out. Someone hacked my cell phone. Why, I don’t know? Perhaps it was to get at all the sexting messages I have been sending all over the Internet. And then, why not? It seems the easy way to “hook up” and I have been feeling a bit promiscuous anyway.
I don’t know how my spouse would feel about that, but then she’s known me for some time and probably wouldn’t be too surprised. After all, in 24-years, she has probably figured out all of my patterns. But in this case, I want to get it on the table right away.
You know, it’s not so much whether or not I did the sexting thing, it’s more about how the information got leaked. It’s not like I sent it to anyone, it just sort of languished in my drafts folder, there for any hacker to find. And, of course, in my line of business, you know grouching and complaining via the newspaper and blog, I have become a huge security risk to the general public and to the local constabulary as well. It would not surprise me if some of the local officials pooled their resources and hired a hacker just to dig out some evil information on me and thereby weaken my hold over the populace.
It wouldn’t be the first time such a thing has happened to someone, you know. The papers are full of instances of people being hacked, which hails all the way back to the days of Jack the Ripper. Yes, if truth be known, Jack the Ripper was the world’s first hacker. He even dates back to a time before we had computers.
But back to my story. It’s not so much that I am worried about those images of me getting out, I mean after all everyone in congress appears to be doing it today so it must be right, right?. I mean, didn’t they just catch another one the other day? I had just been out of the loop so long, I never even thought about cellular insecurity.
But getting back to phones and the idea that someone can actually hack into your phone and steal all your digital information, it’s enough to make you wonder why we ever invented such a thing. I, for one, could probably give up my cell phone. I never use it, rarely get a call from anyone, and my kids refuse to do anything but send text messages, “Dad can I borrow some money?” We have totally lost the idea of civility in borrowing from the parents. There’s no sense of groveling, like asking for the keys to the family car for a night out with the boys or girls, depending. I suppose that was harder, going up to mom or dad, hand out, begging for a few dollars for a movie or a snack or whatever, certainly not gas. Gas was supposed to already be in the car when you borrowed it from your parents.
And so, today I find myself on the tip of the digital sword so to speak. Someone else actually felt the need to hack into my phone and get the pictures of my wife, kids, cars, puppy dogs. I can understand wanting to get a picture of Grizz, who is actually my son’s dog. He’s pretty cute, and they may be able to market his image to some crazy dog food company that needs a spokes dog.
What kind of a society have we become? The information age, I think they called it back when computers first started to dot living rooms around the US. Now, they are everywhere, they are literally at my fingertips as I type this column. But what’s with these people who think they need the information I keep on my phone. Why don’t they just go rob a bank or something? Do they really expect to make money off the blasé junk on someone’s phone? No, I guess it’s just because they can, like climbing Everest.
Lately, I have read where hackers can get into things like blood sugar meters. Watch out fellow diabetes victims, these guys will either scare you to death or make you think you are living the good health life. It doesn’t make much sense to me either way. I guess I’ll just have to delete all those sexting images from my phone before they end up being posted on some website for silly writers.
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