Finally, after all these years of living dangerously, a company has come up with a product that is exactly what I have been looking for, and needing (especially if you ask my wife, Jackie), for the last 30 or 40 years. I know these things sometimes take a little time, and testing them must have had its own drawbacks, but a British manufacturer, BCB International LTD, has come up with a product designed to meet my needs: Blast Boxers.
So much for Michael Jordan and all those other briefs brokers. Say so long to huggers and hangers and hi-rise and low rise. Bring on the latest; give me a set of those Blast Boxers. Actually, I’m sort of surprised they didn’t come and get me to test them out.
I know these have been on the horizon for years. The need is apparent, and these not only protect against those dangerous SBDs, but they are also designed to protect against external explosions like IEDs, too, or so I’m told.
No matter how long it took to develop these breeches it couldn’t have come a moment too soon for my household. For years, my wife aired her grievances about such eruptions in and around her house, often we looked to our two boys, and lately, with them out of the house, I have trained my eye to locate our black lab, Sadie. Now, I won’t have to live a life of shame any longer.
But now, with the invention, distribution, and sale of Blast Boxers, I need no longer fear scolding from my spouse. Now, I no longer have to live with the guilt of blaming my tummy rumbles to our household pets, or our children. (For some reason, she never believed the one about the gold fish, even though I could show her the evidence in bubbles.)
Now, I can fess up and start my long climb to recovery. I can stand in a room of my peers and say, “My name is David, and it’s been six months since I lied about IBS (irritable bowel syndrome).”
Ironically, the Brits had to come to America, and to nearby DuPont in Richmond, for the magic cloth that can save my dignity, as well as my marriage and assorted underwear. Yes, some of you know already, Blast Boxers use that miracle magical mystery fiber, Kevlar. What else could it be? Kevlar can stop a bullet and if the weave is tight enough, it can apparently help out with other, more sinister, methods of attack.
As to my marriage, anything that can help change the topic is good enough for me. For that I will be eternally grateful to BCB’s Edward Schmitt. Schmitt told FOXNews.com that they were hoping to have my saving grace in the marketplace by mid-March.
“What we're trying to do is to provide a meaningful level of protection” in an old threat environment, Schmitt said.
And to top it all off, the new product will be manufactured right here in the good old USA. The Blast Boxer plant is ready to go into production in upstate New York, where I spent my formative years. It sure was a wise decision to put this plant dead smack in the middle of an area that likely needs it most.
My main problem with the Blast Boxers, however, is the $95 price tag. That seems a bit of a strain for a pair of skivvies, even if they do have that added benefit. Then again, $95 is a drop in the bucket when it comes to a peaceful home front, so to speak.
Hold on a second while I check out this text. It’s from wife, she wrote, “Hey honey, those Blast Boxers are meant to protect our soldiers from improvised explosive devices in Iraq and Afghanistan, not for what you are thinking they were made for.”
Oh, never mind….
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